What's in a Word? Oh My!

When I need to wake up my brain cells I work a crossword puzzle. When I want to pass time in a waiting room, for example, I work a cross word puzzle. When Frank is driving and there's no scenery worth gawking at, I work a cross word puzzle. Yes, I almost always carry two or three puzzles from the newspaper with me in my purse at all times. You never know when you might need one.

When I want to pass time in a nearly numb state of mind, however, I play Scrabble. I can play Scrabble on my home computer, on my laptop, and on my Blackberry. Although I am easily lulled into game after game after game after game, it's also true that if I don't work to maintain my emotional equilibrium, I can fly off the handle, sink into depression, or jump up to dance a heels-kicking jig -- depending on whether I am making the best plays or "it" is. It's not always about winning or losing, understand, but more than anything else about the ongoing challenge of the game itself as things change with each new word that appears on the board.

Over time I have elevated the skill level at which I play. I am now at a level where "it" (with an unlimited vocabulary) is playing some of the most preposterous words I've ever encountered. Check them out: zarf, turps, gox, kaf, nazify, azo, suq, zouk, qat, mixt, zaire. I mean really! To keep my blood pressure down I amuse myself when "it" plays words such as these, by imagining using the word in a sentence.

"Oh, give me a second. I think I left my gox on the table in the restaurant."

"Are you sure you want to date someone with the tendency to nazify?"

"The only thing I want for my birthday is a new kaf for my collection."

I also apply the wisdom of the Dalai Lama, who has said, "Learn the rules well so you know how to break them wisely." It isn't that I break the rules of Scrabble exactly, I have just made up my own. For example, if "it" has a score that tops mine by more than 100 points and there are fewer than 7 tiles on my board, I say to myself, "Zarf it! I qat!"

Now I recognize that the crazy words "it" plays are legitimate in some vocabulary somewhere, but it sure isn't mine and it isn't in my sphere of reality. Aside from creating words, which is fun for me, I also use the game as an opportunity to practice tolerance. But that doesn't always work and sometimes I just resort to opting out because, frankly, I believe that in any relationship tolerance must be reciprocal. And I don't notice "it" cutting me any slack!

Months back (and I still haven't found it in my heart to forgive) I got really excited when I was able to lay down all 7 letters (which wins you an extra 50 points) on a triple-score play. The word I spelled was "untinted." Now, isn't it easy enough to put that one into context without turning maniacal about it? "I'd like the back windows tinted, but please leave the front windows untinted." See?

But no! UNTINTED IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE WORD according to "it." I didn't get to play on the triple, or play all my letters anywhere else for that matter. If you ask me, this is a crock of zouk!

But wait, there's more: Yesterday I played (for a triple score, but not using all my letters) the word joint. Since the j is quite valuable in and of itself and another letter was on a double letter square, this gave me a decent score -- 39, I believe it was. Nothing to write home about, but I wasn't hanging my head in shame either. Then... are you ready for this? "It" added un as a prefix and ing to take my clever word all the way down to the lower corner, for a triple word score of 54!

So, you with me here? "It" can play unjointing but I can't play untinted. Does that suq, or what?

To end on a positive note, though, allow me to brag. Last night I opened the game (which doubles your word score automatically) by placing the Q on a double letter square, then completing the word queerly, which used all my letters and gave me an extra 50 points. My score for that one breathtaking word? 106! An all time record for this scrabbler.

A bittersweet victory though, with untinted and unjointing still stuck in my craw. So when it comes to Scrabble I am left with mixt feelings, and I'm starting to think about taking up knitting instead. I mean I might drop a stitch now and then, but at least I woudn't be calling the knitting needle azo under my breath.