Mystery Solved, Problem Solved

I'm losing my eyebrows. It's not like I'm taking them off, setting them down somewhere and forgetting where I put them. They're just... disappearing. Why? To find out the answer, I did the sensible thing: I googled.

One possibility, I learned, was thyroid disorder. I was overdue for my annual physical exam (one year overdue, actually), which includes blood work, so I called the doctor and made an appointment to meet with her once my test results were in her hot little hand. I began secretly hoping, well sort of hoping, that something innocuous but worthy of noninvasive attention would crop up in terms of my thyroid, because then some pill or other might bring my eyebrows back and make it easier for me to control my weight!

No such luck. Thyroid: Normal. Well, crap. That means I have to continue to eat less than when I was 20-30, and absent the hot fudge sundaes and mashed potatoes with gravy that, back then, made me feel really good instead of really, well, not good... about my weight. Okay, it was worth a try.

And the disappearing eyebrows? "Hormones," the doctor told me, adding dispassionately, "It's part of the aging process." Mystery solved. I smiled at her... she who is young enough to be my daughter. "So nothing I can do about it?" She suggested I have eyebrows tattooed on.

Uhhh... I don't think so, considering I've HAD a tattoo (on my ankle) and I found it FAR more painful than the gentle touch of an eyebrow pencil. Or eyebrow brush, I should say, since my daughter recently took my ancient-and pathetically-out-of-date pencil away from me and replaced it with an upscale-and-coolly-current powder that is brushed on. It's really sweet that she looks out for me that way.

Since I was born a month premature, with no fingernails, toenails, eyelashes or eyebrows, I guess I'm just coming full circle. As I continue to age I guess I'm going to have to keep an eye out for other missing parts. Heck, come to think of it, why can't I skinny down? I only weighed a little over four pounds when I was born!

But back to the eyebrows. Thank goodness for make-up. Problem solved.

Only now I'm feeling guilty because I've been blaming the poor dog for all the annoying little hairs I find every day on the furniture and floors.