With all the talk about Princess Dianna's legacy, truly her greatest contribution to the world rests in her two sons and, in particular, the grounding she gave them in what we call real life.
Along with her Christian upbringing, perhaps Dianna learned from Buddha, who was born a prince and was so sheltered from reality that when he finally snuck off the palace grounds to explore the real world, he discovered (to his deep consternation)poverty, illness and death. A major religion evolved from his dramatic awakening.
Dianna was, in her day, quick to become the beautiful princess envied by none who observed her with a keen eye. A loveless marriage, overpowering in-laws who did not accept or approve of her, and the public humiliation of ongoing blatant betrayal by Charles all moved her along the path that molded her into a devoted mother determined to raise her boys her way -- as best she could. She also became a doer of good deeds in terms of the hundreds of charities she supported by her actions, not mere words. The world is indeed a better place for her existence.
Now there is Kate, who is dearly and obviously loved truly by her Prince Charming... the manifestation of his mother's dreams for him. I love that William gave her Dianna's engagement ring. What an honor for her, and for him a gesture with deep meaning. It seems that the high price paid by Dianne covered lessons actually learned by the monarchy, which allowed William to live in the real (albeit privileged) world, where he is marrying for love after earning a university degree, serving in the military complete with the risks of a rescue pilot,and sowing his fair share of wild oats. Kate's compassionate understanding of his struggles with his inescapable position in life speak volumes about her own character.
This prince and princess have had the best and the worst of examples set for them by their parents' marriages. Charles and Dianna's relationship has taught them how not to do it. Kate's commoner parents have offered inspiration and hope. William and Kate have not turned a blind eye or deaf ear, and their relationship has passed the test of time. They have both deep emotion and high intelligence going for them -- plus what Dianna never had: the freedom to be themselves and to reject the stuffy and senseless traditions that history has taught us have reaped misery for so many. This prince and princess face the future forewarned and forearmed.
The rest of us can benefit by the incredible potential and dare I say natural inclination these two have to follow in Dianna's footsteps, together using their position in life to make the world a better place. My hope for them is that they will continue on the path, the high road if you will, they have chosen for themselves, balancing their personal and private lives on the same tightrope that tripped and tethered Dianne, then took her life.
There is no such thing as too much publicity when it comes to these two, although my read on this is that William will take the bull (pun intended) by the horns when it comes to the media, to do what Charles did not -- protect the love of his life with fierceness and ferocity, as well as live his life and someday rule his country with backbone as well as dignity.
I don't care what Kate's wedding dress looks like or how much the event is costing. I care about their happiness. They've earned it, they deserve it, they exude it and the rest of us can and should let it wash over us like soft, foamy waves. Those of us who choose to can love their love and let our admiration for them inspire us to greater heights.
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label loss. Show all posts
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
What's In the Hat? You Decide
Many years ago (I've discovered as I age, this phrase appears more and more in my speech and writing), when I deplaned during a brief layover in Denver, I left my favorite book on my aisle seat. When I returned, it was gone. I told myself, "I hope whoever picked up my book, appreciates it." I could have been upset, angry even, but in forming a philosophy of life, it's wise to find one that helps you feel better, not worse.
More recently I gave away something special -- to someone who was special to me at the time. It was a hat my father wore to SF Giants games, and he was privileged to have the brim autographed by then Manager, Dusty Baker. The person I gave it to was an avid Giants fan long enough to know who Dusty Baker is. He was grateful and gracious in response to my gift, and fully understanding my feelings toward my father. He promised me the hat would be treasured as a family heirloom and would be handed down to his son, also a genuine Giants fan.
Then something happened. I spoke a truth as I believed it, and it wasn't what he wanted to hear. He took offense. "Perception is reality," he said to me, in justifying his emotionally charged reaction. What I did not say next (trying not to escalate our disagreement) is, "Your perception is your reality; my perception is my reality." The fact is, a person's perception is not universal reality, or unilaterally real, though some of us are arrogant enough to think so about our own.
His family is stable and rooted in their community, so I felt my father's hat had found a good home. Since he and I have parted ways, however, there's no way for me to be sure this is the case; but the fact is I believe the hat will be where it is meant to be, whether he keeps it, sells it on E-bay, or throws it away. And if there is any truth to the theory that loved ones on a higher plane hold influence over people and events on this plane, my daddy will keep an eye on his hat if it matters to him. Which it may not. I mean, in the final analysis, it's just a hat.
"Just" is a word I encourage clients to use to minimize an unpleasant person or event, to help them keep matters in perspective. I could, of course, become emotionally embroiled enough to consider the giving away of this hat as a -- now -- personal loss. OH MY GOD I'VE LOST MY FATHER'S HAT! I choose, however, to remember it is just a hat, and changes in what was at one time (in my perception) a warm and caring friendship, are just part of life. People change. Circumstances change. Someone wise once said "The only thing in life of which we can be certain is change."
Yes, I was caught off guard by this one, as is often the case, and in retrospect I can see that my trust was misplaced; but I have an intellectual understanding of the dynamics at play, and I am reconciled to the reality of the situation. This is just a relationship gone awry, certainly not a matter of life and death. To quote Charles Darwin (as I have in the past), "It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change."
I'm cool with change. Over the years I've even made it my friend. It is a friend I can trust. And I do. If my father is now capable of feeling anything, I believe he is feeling proud of me for taking the high road. And he is feeling loved -- regardless of what becomes of his hat.
More recently I gave away something special -- to someone who was special to me at the time. It was a hat my father wore to SF Giants games, and he was privileged to have the brim autographed by then Manager, Dusty Baker. The person I gave it to was an avid Giants fan long enough to know who Dusty Baker is. He was grateful and gracious in response to my gift, and fully understanding my feelings toward my father. He promised me the hat would be treasured as a family heirloom and would be handed down to his son, also a genuine Giants fan.
Then something happened. I spoke a truth as I believed it, and it wasn't what he wanted to hear. He took offense. "Perception is reality," he said to me, in justifying his emotionally charged reaction. What I did not say next (trying not to escalate our disagreement) is, "Your perception is your reality; my perception is my reality." The fact is, a person's perception is not universal reality, or unilaterally real, though some of us are arrogant enough to think so about our own.
His family is stable and rooted in their community, so I felt my father's hat had found a good home. Since he and I have parted ways, however, there's no way for me to be sure this is the case; but the fact is I believe the hat will be where it is meant to be, whether he keeps it, sells it on E-bay, or throws it away. And if there is any truth to the theory that loved ones on a higher plane hold influence over people and events on this plane, my daddy will keep an eye on his hat if it matters to him. Which it may not. I mean, in the final analysis, it's just a hat.
"Just" is a word I encourage clients to use to minimize an unpleasant person or event, to help them keep matters in perspective. I could, of course, become emotionally embroiled enough to consider the giving away of this hat as a -- now -- personal loss. OH MY GOD I'VE LOST MY FATHER'S HAT! I choose, however, to remember it is just a hat, and changes in what was at one time (in my perception) a warm and caring friendship, are just part of life. People change. Circumstances change. Someone wise once said "The only thing in life of which we can be certain is change."
Yes, I was caught off guard by this one, as is often the case, and in retrospect I can see that my trust was misplaced; but I have an intellectual understanding of the dynamics at play, and I am reconciled to the reality of the situation. This is just a relationship gone awry, certainly not a matter of life and death. To quote Charles Darwin (as I have in the past), "It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change."
I'm cool with change. Over the years I've even made it my friend. It is a friend I can trust. And I do. If my father is now capable of feeling anything, I believe he is feeling proud of me for taking the high road. And he is feeling loved -- regardless of what becomes of his hat.
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